Chapter 64 – Pretending You Are Mine Novel

Ollie: Oh my God.

Silas: LOL. Seriously though, you can add it to a scrapbook for us. You know, create one of those so we can look back at how we started.

Ollie: I’ve actually collected a few things for a scrapbook with you in it.

Silas: Really?

Ollie: Yeah, just some things like a napkin from the bar where we first k**sed, and pictures we’ve taken, and some pamphlets from the zoo . . .

Silas: Well f**k, babe, that’s really cute. Is there anything I can look at yet?

Ollie: No, it’s just a collection right now, but hopefully, once I catch up on everything, I can put together a little book for us.

Silas: I can help.

Ollie: You’d want to help with my scrapbook?

Silas: Hell yeah. Do you need supplies? I can get you one of those letter-cutting machines.

Ollie: A Cricut? That’s okay. LOL. I like to keep it simple.

Silas: Well, you let me know if that changes. I’d be more than happy to grab some things for you.

Ollie: Thank you. But if you really want to help, then that could be something fun we do together, when of course we’re not f**king.

Silas: f**king first, then scrapbooking.

Ollie: I feel like we’re becoming so domesticated.

Silas: How do you feel about that?

Ollie: Perfect.

**************************************

SILAS

“I’ll have the steak as well,” Pacey orders. “Medium. Thank you.” He hands his menu to the server.

“Great. If you need anything else, just let me know. Enjoy.”

Holmes, Posey, Pacey, and I all reach for a piece of bread at the same time. I go with the pumpernickel, Posey dives for the rye, and Holmes and Pacey are stuck with plain.

While we b**ter our bread, Pacey says, “See that picture Hornsby sent of Holden? His kid is cute as shit.”

Hornsby and Penny just had their baby. We met him the other day, and to our surprise, they named him Holden after Halsey’s brother who passed away. Holmes felt so honored. He even teared up when he held little Holden. It was a nice moment for all of us.

“Of course the kid would be cute,” Posey says. “They’re both really good-looking people.”

“That means shit,” I say. “It’s really up for grabs when it comes to the kind of baby people can make.”

“Thought about it, have you?” Pacey asks. “Considering children with Ollie?”

“Oh f**k, no,” I say, shaking my head. “Neither of us is ready for that. She still has to graduate, and I know her job is really important to her, so she’ll put any sort of child thing on hold for a while. Plus, I don’t think I’m ready for that. I’m barely ready—mentally—for my relationship with Ollie. I mean, I’m getting there, and I think we’re solid, and I trust her, but a baby? I’m not mentally ready for that.”

“What does Ollie want to do when she graduates?” Holmes asks.

“Online contributor,” I answer. “She really enjoys discussing lifestyle-type things. When she graduates, she hopes to receive offers from a few places. Apparently, the guy she’s interning with has a lot of connections. It’s why she’s sticking around with him.”

“Is that going to take her away from Vancouver?” Holmes asks as he sets his b**ter knife down and then takes a bite of his bread.

“I sure as hell hope not. We talked about how we want to stay together, no matter what happens, and who knows, maybe by the time she graduates, things will be more intense between us.”

“Like wedding bells?” Pacey asks.

“I mean, I could see it happening,” I say, pulling on the back of my neck.

“Really?” Posey asks. “I feel like you’ve barely been together.”

“Is there a certain timeline that has to be followed to have that kind of thinking?” I ask him.

Posey shakes his head. “No, but I’m just surprised is all. You wouldn’t tell us what happened with Sarah, and now that you’re with Ollie, I just want to make sure you’re healed, you know? That you’re not jumping into something too quickly.”

“Where the hell is this coming from?” I ask him. “You’re the one who was helping me text her the other day.”

“Ah, so you admit that I was helping you.” Posey points his fi**ger at me.

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I really hate you. You realize that?”

“Dude, we’re about to have the best steak we’ve ever put in our mouths. Let’s not throw hate out there,” Pacey says. “And to hop on what Posey is saying, I think we just want to make sure you’re okay. We like Ollie, we’ve seen a change in your life since she’s been around, but you can’t fully give yourself to her until you’ve healed. We just want to make sure you’re there.”

“You all feel that way?” I ask.

I glance at Holmes, and he just nods.

“Hornsby, too,” Posey says. “We just care about you.”

“Well, I appreciate it,” I answer, not getting mad at them because how could I? If I were in their position, I’d probably be doing the same thing. “I wouldn’t say I’m one hundred percent, but I’m getting there.” I glance around the table and realize that maybe if I talk about it more, it will help me heal. Clearing my throat, I say, “I haven’t really said anything, but, uh . . . Sarah cheated on me. That’s why we broke up. I caught her with a woman and a man.” That last part stings, and I wait for my guys to react, but when I look up, all I see is compassion in their eyes.

“Shit, dude,” Pacey says. “I’m sorry.”

Holmes grips my shoulder and gives it a squeeze, not needing to say anything, just keeping it at that.

When I look up at Posey, he’s shifting his fork around on the table.

“What’s going on in your head?” I ask him.

When his eyes meet mine, he says, “This might not be what you want to hear, but . . . what a bitch. Does she realize she’ll never find another man with a Jacob’s ladder piercing? All I can think is big mistake . . . huge.”

What a f**king idiot, but it makes me laugh.

I grip my water and say, “I think you’re right, Posey.”

“I know I’m right. Not many men are man enough to get that done. She’ll regret it.”

“What thoughtful insight,” Pacey says with a hint of sarcasm. He then turns toward me and says, “How are you dealing with getting that off your chest?”

“Seems to get a touch easier every time I say it.” I lean in a little closer so I don’t have to project my voice. “I think I kept it in for so long because it was embarrassing. Like . . . I wasn’t man enough to keep Sarah happy, and she had to go somewhere else to find that happiness.”

“That’s not on you,” Holmes says. “That’s on her.”

“Was it, though?” I ask. “I know I tried a lot with her, but the season’s strain wore on us year after year. If I supported her, maybe she wouldn’t have strayed.”

“Dude, you were a good boyfriend to her,” Pacey says. “You put in the effort, she didn’t, and I’m not just saying that. I’d tell you the truth if I thought you were at fault. But you weren’t. What Holmes says is right. That was on her, not you.”

“And now she’ll regret it,” Posey says, tapping his nose and winking at me.

Sometimes I wonder why we’re friends with him.

“I think accepting that truth will take me a moment, as well as learning to trust again.”

“Trust is hard,” Holmes says. “Trusting anything, even life.” Quietly he adds, “Not wanting to lose what’s close to you again. It’s tough.”

I know he’s referencing losing his brother, and it’s one of the first times I’ve heard him say anything like that. He normally keeps quiet, especially regarding his brother, which makes me wonder why he’s offering a slight glimpse into that part of his life.

“It is,” I say. “But Ollie is helping me with that trust. She’s patient and understanding. She knows all about Sarah, and she’s reassured me that she would never treat me the way Sarah did. I don’t know, with Ollie, I just feel lighter, more put together, like the worst is over, and now I’m starting to head out of the other end of the dark tunnel.”

“She seems legit,” Posey says. “When she defended you in the bar in front of Sarah, I almost k**sed her on the l*ps I was so pleased.”

“Dude, no,” I say. “Don’t even think about k**sing her.”

“I’d never do it.” Posey rolls his eyes. “I was just full of glee that I thought of k**sing her.”

“Full of glee?” Pacey asks.

“Yeah, you should know that emotion. You were a gleeful f**k when you first met Winnie. Remember how he slunk around the cabin, chasing after her?” Posey says.

“I did not chase after her.”

We all scoff at that because Pacey was immediately infatuated. None of us were even allowed to consider looking at Winnie.

“I might have followed her, but I didn’t chase,” Pacey clarifies.

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