“That maybe I don’t deserve anyone. That something is wrong with me. That I’m not loveable, and that’s why Sarah cheated on me.”
“Silas.” I sit up. “Please don’t believe that, not even for a second. Because the man I’ve grown to know is worthy of everyone around him. He’s loyal and protective and so f**king loveable. The people who hurt us are the people who are hurting inside. They hurt others because they don’t know how to deal with their hurt. Sarah is the one in the wrong. She’s the one who isn’t worthy or loveable, not you.”
He doesn’t say anything, just stares off to the side.
“Did you hear me?”
“Yes,” he answers. “F**k.” He r*bs his eye with his palm. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“For not being strong enough.”
“You can’t be perfect all the time, Silas. No human is. The best thing about us as humans is just how imperfect we are. It shows how we’ve survived, how we’ve journeyed through life. It gives us wisdom and practice for how to protect our future. There is no need to always be strong, especially with me.”
His eyes connect with mine through the phone, and I can see how much tension has eased from them. “How are you so f**king smart?” Because for the first eighteen years of my life, my grandma made sure to tell me that. That every setback brings about growth. Endurance. Even though my dad tried to tell me otherwise.
“All my years of being told I won’t amount to anything,” I say. “You quickly learn how to drown out the hate and build on it instead.”
“I’m good at drowning out the hate and using it as fuel on the ice.”
“That’s different. Sports are different. That’s physical. What Sarah did to you, that’s emotional, and being emotionally vulnerable is harder than shooting a puck past a goalie.” I w*t my l*ps. “But I’m so glad you shared with me, Silas. It means more to me than anything, and I promise, this stays between us.”
“Thank you.” He pauses and then asks, “Does all of this make you look at me differently?”
“Yes,” I answer. “But probably not in the way that you’re thinking. It makes me fall for you even more. Because now you’ve let me see a piece of your heart. I see your warmth. Your fear. It makes you more human, and I love that. If anything, you’re even more sexy than before.”
That causes him to smirk. “If that was even possible.”
“Oh my God.” I roll my eyes, causing him to laugh.
“In all seriousness, babe, thank you. It will take me a second to process all of this, and I can’t promise it’ll be easy. I’m still struggling with trust. I still have that deep-rooted fear of opening up to others, so I’ll need you to be patient with me.”
“I’ll be patient, Silas, because you’re worth it.”
************************************
SILAS
Silas: What are you up to?
Ollie: I’m in class right now, pretending to take notes on my computer. In reality, I’m texting you and looking through an article about the type of training you do.
Silas: Why read an article when you can ask me?
Ollie: I can’t just have one source. It’s good to have multiple. Also, I’m bored out of my mind and didn’t know what you were doing, so this was an easy thing to do to keep my mind sharp.
Silas: Keeping your mind sharp should include paying attention in class.
Ollie: Uh-huh, and how often did you pay attention?
Silas: Often enough.
Ollie: For some reason, I don’t buy it. I feel like you f**ked around a lot.
Silas: Nah, I liked learning about muscles and shit. It was the gen-ed classes that nearly destroyed me.
Ollie: A waste of time if you ask me. No geography class would convince me to change my major. That’s for damn sure.
Silas: It was English lit for me.
Ollie: Was it because they weren’t reading Harry Potter?
Silas: Pretty much.
Ollie: What are you doing?
Silas: Just got done warming up my legs. Now watching Posey eat a bologna sandwich, and I’m utterly disgusted.
Ollie: I think he needs a woman.
Silas: I think there might be one, but I can’t be sure. Ever since the bar, he’s been a bit off.
Ollie: You mean “oye, my dick” off?
Silas: I’m so f**king glad I told you that was Posey.
Ollie: I’m still on the fence about that.
* * *
“How are things with Ollie?”Pacey asks quietly as we sit on the bus, heading back to our hotel. We’re staying an extra night in Vegas, then traveling to Arizona tomorrow morning.
“Good. I, uh, I told her everything that happened with Sarah.”
“How did she handle it?”
“Really well. It felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders.”
“So you feel better? You’re going for it?”
My phone buzzes in my hand with a text message from her.
“Yeah. She makes me feel good. She oddly makes me feel whole.”
“That’s good, man,” Pacey says. “I can feel your relief. I feel like you’ve been carrying around this heavy weight for the past few years, and now it seems like you’re not alone in carrying it.”
“I’m not,” I say as I glance down at her text.
Ollie: Congrats on the win. Call me when you get to the hotel.
* * *
“Do you always win this much?”Ollie asks as she lies in front of her phone. She told me she got a tripod to hold her phone so she doesn’t have to hold it while she talks to me. And from the view I have down her sports bra, I agree it was an amazing purchase.
“We’re champions, babe. That’s what we do.”
“Ooo, look at you all c**ky.”
“You have to be, or else you’re eaten alive out there on the ice.”
“This might be a stupid question, but have you gotten in any fights?”
“More than I can probably remember. It always happens. Tension runs high during games, and hockey is already a physical sport.”
“Well, I don’t like that. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“To get hurt, you have to lose the fight. I don’t lose.”
“You’re oddly turning me on.”
“Yeah?” I ask with a lift of my brow.
“Yeah, but it could also be from sitting here, staring at you without a shirt on. Seriously, Silas, your body is incredible.”
“Thanks, babe.”
“And I haven’t been able to properly explore it the way that I want to.” She playfully pouts.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.
Leave a Reply