Silas: If it helps, I felt the same way.
Ollie: Can I ask you something?
Silas: Ask me anything.
Ollie: In the sauna, were you mad at me?
Silas: Was I mad at you? Are you f**king kidding? Ollie, that was . . . f**k, I still think about your mouth on my c**k.
Ollie: But afterward, you seemed angry. I was afraid I pushed you too hard.
Silas: I wasn’t angry, and if I was, I was probably angry with myself for giving in when I’ve been so determined to hold back.
Ollie: Are you sure?
Silas: Positive. I wanted you to stay.
Ollie: Why didn’t you stop me?
Silas: Something we can talk about later. Can I FaceTime you tonight? I really need to get some shit off my chest.
Ollie: Yes, call anytime.
Silas: Thanks.
Ollie: Can I tell you something?
Silas: Yes.
Ollie: You have the nicest c**k I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched a lot of porn.
Silas: LOL.
Ollie: Seriously, I dream about it. I want my mouth on it again.
Silas: Babe, you’re going to make me hard on the plane.
Ollie: I’m just telling you the truth. I loved every second of s**king your dick, and I want to do it again.
Silas: Christ.
Ollie: Miss you already.
Silas: Miss you.
* * *
Silas: Finally in our hotel.
Ollie: Call me whenever, just in my room.
I’ve thought about this conversation all night and what he might say, what we might talk about. I’ve even tried to figure out what I should wear, which seems so stupid because it’s a phone conversation, but I feel nervous.
I decided to opt for his sweatshirt and keep things the way he left me, but I’m cuddled into the weighted blanket he gave me, surrounded by the scent of his cologne.
My phone rings, and I quickly answer it, holding it in front of me.
His handsome face appears, and I feel everything in my body relax.
“Hey,” I say softly.
“Hey, babe,” he says as he lies on his hotel pillow.
“How was the flight?”
“Fine.”
“Where are you right now?”
“Las Vegas,” he answers.
“Ooo, are the boys headed out on the town?”
“Probably some of the guys. Most of us are tucked into our rooms.”
“Run across any women trying to claw their way into your bed?”
“There were some in the lobby, but security doesn’t let them up. You need a key card to get up to the rooms. And you realize you don’t have to worry about that with me.”
“I know,” I answer. “I just find the whole thing fascinating. Life of a professional athlete, it’s a different world.” I pause and say, “Hey, that might be a good article to write. Would you mind that? If I wrote about your general grind and commitment to play your sport?”
“No, that’s fine. We’ve had articles written about us along the same lines.”
“That’s not getting too close to comfort for you?” I ask.
“Not at all. Roberts might like it.”
“Better than my nacho idea.” I sigh. “I’ve been struggling with this article, and Roberts has been harping on me for a first draft. I’ve pushed him as far as I think I can go when it comes to extra time. I started writing something about how welcoming the Agitators are, but there wasn’t much meat to it. I think I could work with this.”
“Feel free to ask me anything.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I get comfortable on my bed. “So . . . what do you want to talk about?”
“Us,” he answers.
“What about us?”
He rolls his teeth over his bottom l*p and says, “This would have been easier in person, but I really need to just . . . to just say it.”
“Okay,” I say, listening intently. “I promise, whatever you have to say, it’s safe with me.”
“Thank you, baby,” he says softly, then looks away. It takes him a few seconds, but he finally says, “I was going to propose to Sarah.” Oh, this is the conversation he wanted to have. Well, now I feel like an even bigger ass because it would have been better in person. “I thought she’d be the girl I spent the rest of my life with.” I know this, so I just nod. “And I had a ring picked out and everything. After a game one night, I came home, looking for her.” His eyes dart to the side, and I can tell this is really hard on him.
“It’s okay, Silas,” I say. “Take your time.”
“I came home and found her in our bedroom with another woman and a man watching them.”
My breath freezes in my lungs as I try to comprehend what he’s saying. Sarah cheated on him . . . with another woman and a man?
“Oh my God, Silas. I’m so sorry.” No wonder he has trust issues. How can I not feel for this man?
He drags his hand down his face and whispers, “F**k, I’ve never said that out loud before.”
“I can understand why. That must have been so hard on you.”
“It was,” he says. “I was . . . I was devastated. We rarely had sex, especially toward the end of our relationship, and now I knew why. I just keep wondering, how long was she cheating on me? She suggested it definitely wasn’t the first time she’d cheated. So how long was I the idiot who didn’t know what she was doing when I was gone? She said four months, but f**k, I don’t believe her.”
“Have you asked her?”
He shakes his head. “No, probably best that I don’t f**king know. It will only make me angrier. And I’m trying to release this anger. I want to be able to be healthy for you, Ollie, that’s why I’m telling you this, why it’s been so hard for me to open up to you, to let you in.”
Yeah, she stole his trust and made it impossible for him to put himself out there again. I don’t know how someone recovers from a situation like that.
“I get it. And I’m so sorry Sarah put you through that. She didn’t deserve you, and she proved that. I don’t have much to say that will be helpful other than I’ll be patient with you. I’ll give you time. I promise I won’t push, and I’m sorry I pushed before.”
“I’m glad you did,” he says. “Or else I never would have let you in. You pushing has helped me move past this fear I’ve been holding on to.”
“What fear is that?” I ask.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.
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