Ollie: It would have been more pleasurable if you were here to l**k my arousal off my fi**gers. I just had to do it for you.
F**k . . .
“Dude . . .” Posey is speechless, and that’s saying something. “What the hell did you get yourself into?”
“I f**king told you. She’s torturing me.”
“You need a good response.”
“I f**king know.” I try to take the phone back, but Posey keeps it.
“I’ll type it out, you nimrod. We don’t need any mistakes this time.”
“What are you going to say?”
“Uh, what we’re both thinking.” Going to the emoji, he double-taps on the eggplant emoji, and before I can stop him, he sends it.
“Dude!” I snag the phone away. “Two eggplant emoji? She’s trying to dirty talk, and you give her two eggplant emoji?”
“That is dirty talking. She got two penises to rise at the same time.”
I give him a stern look. “Don’t f**king bone out over my girl.”
“Ha.” He points at me. “You said my girl.”
“Urggh, I f**king hate you right now.”
* * *
**OLLIE**
Ding.
“I don’t want to know what he says. I’m still shook that you said you would taste your own fi**gers.” Ross leans forward. “Who the hell says that?”
“Me, that’s who,” I say as I swipe open his response. When two eggplant emoji pop up, I groan out loud.
“Was that a sexual groan or an irritated groan? I honestly can’t tell at this point.”
“Irritated.” I show him Silas’s response.
“Eggplant emoji? What is he, freaking sixteen? That boy has no class.”
“He has class,” I say as I clutch the necklace he gave me today. “I just think . . . maybe he’s trying to hold back or something.”
“Frankly, I’m embarrassed for him. What’s he going to do next? Text water droplets.”
Ding.
We both look at each other. “If that’s water droplets, I’m going to kick a wall,” I say.
Together, we look down at the screen to find two eggplants . . . and two water droplets.
“Dear God,” Ross whispers.
* * *
**SILAS**
“You f**king moron!”I say while whacking Posey with his own towel.
“What? Water droplets are in.”
“They’re not in,” I say defeatedly as I toss his towel to the floor. “Jesus f**k, what have you done?”
“Spared you the humiliation of saying something stupid.”
“Spared me?” I guffaw. “You made this worse.”
“How so? In a subtle way, I told her you were turned on. Can’t get any better than that. Trust me, it works.”
“Yeah, where’s your proof? I don’t see you walking around with a girlfriend.”
“Hey, you’re the one who asked me for help. If you didn’t think I was qualified, you never should have confided in me.”
“Obviously,” I reply as my phone dings. Posey reaches for it, but I swat his hand away. “Get the f**k away.”
I turn my back toward him and open the text.
It’s a picture of Ollie, showing off her cleavage, the necklaces I gave her on full display. I w*t my l*ps as I stare at it for a few seconds, taking in every last bit of her from her full l*ps to her gorgeous eyes to her ample tits that I got to s**k on last night . . .
My phone is ripped from my hands, and Posey is staring at the photo. “Holy shit,” he says.
“Give me that.”
“No way, you’re going to f**k this up.” He takes off toward the middle of the locker room in his briefs. I grip my towel and chase after him.
“I’m going to f**k it up? You’re the one who’s been f**king it up this whole time.”
“Uh . . . pretty sure I’m the one who got you this picture with my expert texting. By the way, you’re welcome.”
“She feels bad for me,” I say as I chase him around.
“Nah, she’s turned on by your eggplants and droplets. Told you I know what I’m doing.”
“You know shit.” I leap over a chair, but he dodges me and runs to the other side of the locker room.
“Watch daddy work his magic.” Posey starts typing away as he’s moving about the room.
“Do not f**king text her.”
“Oh, I’m texting her. Next pic she sends will be a nude.”
“Give me my goddamn phone,” I say as I pick up a water bottle and chuck it at him, hitting him directly in the hand and knocking the phone to the floor and across the room.
We glance at each other, and in slow motion, we move through the locker room and both dive for the phone at the same time, clashing against each other. My towel loosens, his legs tangle with mine, and we grapple on the floor, army crawling toward the phone until we both reach it at the same time.
That’s when I see what he texted her back.
Silas: Oye, my dick.
What in the actual f**k?
“Oye, my dick?” I scream. “That’s what you f**king wrote? Oye, my dick? What the hell is wrong with you, Levi?”
He pauses, a pinch to his brow. After a second, he says, “I’ll admit, that wasn’t my best work. You can blame yourself. The p**ssure of running around the locker room hindered my ability to be clever and sexy.”
Just then, the locker room door opens, and Hornsby walks in, only to stop dead in his tracks when he sees me and Posey tangled up together.
After a few seconds of awkward silence, Hornsby finally asks, “Why is your dick on Posey’s knee?”
“Is that what that is?” Posey asks, glancing down. “Dude, congrats on the soft penis. Like a velvet cloud.”
I kick at him. “Get the f**k away from me.”
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.
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