“Of course.”
“It’s… quite an intimate one.”
“So go ahead. I’ve got very few secrets. And I don’t think I have any from you any more.”
She flushed, fiddled with her fingers a bit.
“Um… what do you look for?”
“In… what?” I said.
“In… women. In a girl. What… what makes you… interested?”
“Oh. Right. Um… are we talking long term? Or… just first impression oh-shes-nice stuff?”
“Um… lets go with first impressions.”
“Her bum,” I answered immediately. “Totally the wow factor of her bum. And the shape of her legs and whether she’s pretty and whatnot. Boobs are nice, and I love them… but for me it all starts with the booty. I’m really very shallow and extremely easy to please.”
“The booty, is it?” she said, amused.
“Oh, totally,” I laughed. “I’m… I’m an unapologetic letch. Always have been. Thank God there’s plenty of naked girls to look at on the Internet.”
“And… guys?”
“What about them?”
“Have you ever…”
“Oh. Mm. I won’t say I’ve never looked or… sampled… but… meh. Girls is it for me, I reckon. Penises are… awkward. I’ve… um… well…”
“Well… what?” she breathed, entranced.
“Um… I’ve sucked one or two in my time. With moderate success, I suppose; their owners didn’t seem to have objections either before or afterwards…”
“Hah,” she whispered as she shifted slightly. “Just… um… blow-jobs? Nothing else?”
“No. I’ve never let a guy into me. The few boys I did end up fooling around with always wanted it though; I got very tired of saying no. So I just… stopped. I stuck to girls and got myself hurt in… other ways.”
She made a face and sipped her wine.
“How did you work it out?” she asked. “Who you were, I mean? Your… ugh, preference is such a loaded word. Who you like, I mean?”
“Oh,” I breathed. “Now that… that’s a long story.”
“Tell me?” she begged, leaning forward and staring at me with those eyes that I was powerless to say no to.
“I was at an all-girls school,” I said, after a while. “And I was… I am… an emotive and emotional creature. I crave affection. I form attachments easily, and I had a lot of really close friends back then. I guess it just felt… natural… to fall in love with other girls. Not that I did at school, mind you. Not openly at least, and even when I did I never told anyone at all, ever. I was so very, very careful about how much I admitted back then – even to myself. There were just too many horror stories online about girls who came out and… got hurt. So I… camouflaged myself.”
“And University?”
“Uni was different in many respects, but then I always seemed to gravitate towards the libertines. To the… flexible ones, the experimentalists. So it was never about not being accepted… but I was never important enough to anyone to be exclusive. I’m… I’m not loose, see. I never was. When I’m with someone I have eyes and thoughts only for them. And it takes a lot for me to get to that point. And far, far more to move on from it. Some people… used that. I got good at spotting players, but I learned the hard way that… not everyone is sincere. Some people just want a… a fresh pair of tits and… someone wet for the night. Some people will do and say absolutely anything for that…” I finished in a whisper.
And then I realised how close I’d come to crying.
“Shit,” I breathed. I took a shaky breath.
Some graves were better left undisturbed.
She made a soft sympathetic sound and reached out to touch my knee.
“It sounds like you had a hard time of it,” she said. “You went… very dark there, just for a bit. I’ve never seen… that… before.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. I wiped my eyes and grinned through the lump in my throat. “I’ve had more than my share of heartbreaks. Don’t you fear. I’ve also been lied to, cheated on, used, ignored, walked over… the usual. I just… somehow mostly stopped letting it hurt me, in the end. I probably got a lot less sex than I could have as a result, but…”
I shrugged, smiled wryly.
“I’m still here and I feel okay about myself so I guess it all worked out.”
“I envy you. You discovered who you were.”
“You’ve discovered who you are too.”
“Not in any way that I can change,” she sighed. “There’s lots I’d have done differently.”
“Mm.”
She pulled her lovely legs up and in against her.
“For starters, I should have fucked more men,” she said.
I shivered at the way she said the word.
It sounded so uncouth coming from her mouth, so wrong.
I suddenly realised that I’d never heard her swear before.
She did it so well.
It was so profane.
It was so very, very hot.
“At Uni?” I flailed.
“Yeah. I should have just gone all out and fucked as many men as I could. I should have just spread my legs and let them fuck me silly and got it all out my system, and then I could have moved on to being… something.”
“Should have shagged some girls too, for good measure,” I said, teasing her to cover my shock.
“Mm. Yeah. Maybe I should have at that,” she answered, softly.
I stared at her, finding her lack of reaction to the idea… intensely distracting.
“It certainly would have been a good learning experience,” she added. “Mark’s my only. I had no complaints… at first, anyway, and he does have a nice enough cock, as far as I can tell. I always enjoyed it. Sucking him, letting him have me however and wherever. Even… bum stuff,” she confessed, flushing pink. “And… I’d usually have an orgasm. Sometimes more than one. Until Beth, anyway. He didn’t like my body when I was pregnant, and clearly found somewhere else to put himself thereafter. He’d throw me a bone occasionally… when he was feeling charitable.”
“Tastes change,” I said softly, trying to adjust to her sudden openness and the extremely complicated and powerful feelings it was arousing in me.
“His certainly have.”
“And… yours?” I probed.
She shrugged, looked away. “Not like I have much opportunity to test that,” she sighed. “What with living more or less alone in the wilderness like I do. I… toy with myself, a lot, but it’s not the same as being with… someone.”
I squirmed slightly, tried to stay light and engaging…
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.
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