Chapter 21 – Pretending You Are Mine Novel

“What?” he says as he looks down, only to find his fly undone. “Motherfucker,” he swears under his breath as I laugh so hard, I lean against the fence for support.

“Oh my God.” I wave my hand in front of my face as tears tickle my eyes. “You really are the donkey pervert.”

“Can you not? People are fucking looking.”

“Not my fault.” I shake my head, tears now streaming down my cheeks. “Oh shit, I think I’m going to pee myself.” I clench my legs together.

“I did not do that on purpose,” he says through clenched teeth, trying to block me from the onlooking crowd.

“Which makes it even better. Your subconscious knew. Donkey time meant dong out.”

“My . . . my dong was not out,” he whispers.

“But it felt a breeze, didn’t it?” I cough out a peal of laughter, my cheeks hurting.

“You’re real mature. You know that?” He snags the chicken tenders from me and takes a bite of one.

“I’m really not.” I laugh some more, now starting to hee-haw like my friend behind me. “I just . . . cannot believe you had your fly down.” I dab at my eyes. “It’s just such poetic beauty.”

“Glad you’re entertained.”

He moves away from me, and I push off the fence and catch up to him, looping my arm through his again. “Don’t be salty.”

“Easy for you to say, you aren’t the donkey pervert.”

My lip trembles.

I attempt to choke down my laughter, but it’s no use, and I burst out once again. After a few seconds, I say, “I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” he replies, but this time, there’s a smile in his voice, and I know I have free range to laugh as much as I want now.

* * *

“I betyour fans think you’re this cool guy, a real hockey hero with enough swagger to bag every woman in Vancouver, when, in reality, you’re kind of a dork.”

Silas licks his ice cream cone and says, “As long as they believe I have swagger, that’s all that matters.”

“Not going to fight against the dork comment?”

He shakes his head. “You’ve seen me at my worst now. No point.”

I lick my ice cream as well and lean my head against his shoulder. “If this is you at your worst, then what does it say about me that I like you the best like this?”

He pauses, then puts his arm around me, pulling me close. “That maybe you’re a dork yourself.”

“That’s actually very accurate. I didn’t think anything about me was cool when growing up. I was not popular, did not have or follow the latest trends, and I was never asked out by anyone.”

“Hard to believe,” he says.

“It’s true. I don’t think I hit my stride until college. And that’s when Yonny came along, and we know how successful that relationship was.”

“The makings of long-lasting love,” he jokes as his hand drapes around my arm, and his thumb slowly caresses my skin. The light touch sends a wave of chills up my arms. Even during the years I was with Yonny, he never touched me like this, yet it comes so naturally to Silas, and we’re not even together.

“Yes. Man, could you imagine if I was still with him, if I married him? That would be weird. What would my life be like?”

“What would my life be like if I married Sarah?” he asks.

“Treacherous,” I answer. “Especially since she didn’t appreciate what she had.”

“I could say the same about Yonny.”

“Yeah, he definitely didn’t appreciate me. I mean . . . I love sucking dick, and he never let me play.”

Silas lightly chuckles. “If you were mine, I’d let you play any goddamn time you wanted.”

“Such a shame I’m only pretend yours, huh?”

“Yeah . . . a shame.” He sighs. “But I appreciate what we have. It’s made life a bit easier.”

“I agree,” I say, even though in the back of my head, I have this little voice saying ask for more. Because I’m curious. I’m curious what it would be like to have his lips as my own. I’m curious what it feels like to hold his hand—not for pretend but for real. And I’m curious what it would be like to sit in this moment with him, eating ice cream, and then to simply kiss his jaw just because I can. “Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we were more?” I ask, just as a wave of nerves hits me from what he might say.

“No,” he answers, and my heart falls. “But only because if I did, I’m not sure I’d be able to hold back.”

“I knew you were falling in love with me.”

“Jesus,” he huffs before taking a bite of his ice cream cone.

I chuckle because that’s better than swooning. “But only because if I did, I’m not sure I’d be able to hold back.” I need a comeback. “Just admit it, Taters.”

“Yup, I’m falling madly, deeply, so far in love with you, Oliana, that I can barely breathe when you’re near.”

“See . . . I knew it.”

I can practically hear his eyes roll.

* * *

“Thankyou for coming with me today,” I say as we’re in the car. “I needed the company.”

“You did?” he asks when he glances over at me while at a red light.

“Yeah . . . it’s actually the anniversary of my grandma’s death today, and I always try to do something fun.”

“Ollie,” he says, his brow furrowed as he reaches over and takes my hand in his. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Didn’t want you to join me because you felt bad for me. I guess I just wanted a normal day, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that.” He brings the back of my hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss to my knuckles. It’s new, and I know he’s doing it as a friend to reassure me that he’s there for me, but it doesn’t stop the butterflies that take off in my stomach.

We sit in silence, my hand in his as we drive through the streets of Vancouver back to my dorm. I think about the day and how I teased him awfully but couldn’t stop. How he joked around too, but not as mercilessly as me. How we shared ice cream, his arm wrapped around me protectively. How he tried to shield me from fans vying for his attention. God, he’s popular. The incident with the donkey . . .

It was a mishmash of crazy, by no means a perfect day, but in my heart, it felt perfect.

And that scares me because I feel all warm inside.

He pulls into my dorm parking lot, his hand still holding mine, and instead of dropping me off, he parks his car instead.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“I’m not going to let you be alone. I’ll come up to your room.”

He goes to exit his car, but I stop him. “No. That’s okay. You don’t need to do that.”

“Ollie,” he says, giving me a look as he turns toward me.

“I appreciate the gesture, but if you didn’t know about my grandma, would you have just dropped me off?” He goes to answer, but I add, “Don’t lie to me.”

He huffs out a heavy breath and looks away.

“That’s what I thought. Don’t treat me differently. I’m really okay. I had fun, and I appreciate you going to the zoo with me and making me laugh . . . even if it was at your expense.”

He turns toward me again and says, “No thank you is necessary. We’re here for each other.”

“Not like this,” I say.

“Yes, like this,” he answers as he cups my cheek, his warm, rough palm acting as a comfort blanket.

I lean in to his touch. “This wasn’t part of the deal,” I say.

---