Cameron looked at me. Her voice choked up as she said, “My dear, stop torturing yourself. We should be the ones bearing the consequences for our own wrongdoings.”
After she said that, she removed her coat, socks and shoes and stepped onto the snow-covered path. With the cold wind blowing against her face, each step she took seemed extremely difficult.
Zachary was heartbroken seeing his wife doing that but did not attempt to talk her out of it.
Even though I was not able to describe my feelings being in such a situation, I knew it wasn’t anything pleasant.
Everyone was punishing themselves in their own ways, willingly bearing the consequences for their actions. It seemed like it was time for me to move on as well.
“What are all of you doing?” I spoke calmly. Looking at Anthony, who was trembling from the cold, I let out a dry laugh and said, “You know how much I love you and would never want to see you suffer or get hurt. Why did you still do that? You should have just let me bury the pain deep inside my heart and not dig it up ever again. Do you know how unbearable the pain is for me? What are you expecting from me torturing yourself like this? Am I supposed to stop you from doing that and tell you it’s OK and that I forgive you with tears streaming down my face? Do you want me to tell you that I forgive you for changing my life, for inadvertently causing the death of our child and for everything you’ve done? Anthony, do you think I’m a saint who can forgive and forget all the hurt you and everyone else caused me?”
Actually, we didn’t have to come to this point. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t mention all those so that I could pretend nothing ever happened. I guess I would have been able to carry on with the love and care he was showering me with.
“Anthony, why did you have to revisit my wounds and even dig your nails into them?”
I could see his pale lips quivering. He opened his mouth but was unable to say a single word.
Then, he lowered his head and let out a self-deprecating laugh. With a grimace, he said, “Sorry, I wasn’t thoughtful enough.”
Trying my best to suppress my feelings, which was a mixture of heartache and fury, I said, “Anthony, what do you want me to do now? What do you want from the Moore family? Do you expect people to get over it and continue to get along like before?”
Yup, I was not able to let go of the pain. But by doing so, I would only continue hurting.
That was not what I knew atonement to be.
Looking at Cameron, who was still standing in the snow, I was at a loss for words. “Do you know what you’re doing right now? Are you trying to gain sympathy and expecting me to tell you that I’m not mad at you anymore and no longer blame you? Please, don’t torture yourself this way. What’s done has already been done. Even if you would like to be punished, this isn’t the way to do it. What’s your objective for doing all these? Is it to tell the whole world that by using your pity tactics, I’m forced to forgive all of you? And if I don’t, it would show that I’m petty and merciless as knowing that all of you might die from the cold, I’m still not willing to budge. Are you guys trying to announce to the world that I am heartless?”
“Sienna!” Cameron’s face was drained of color after I said that.
She opened her mouth, but seemed to be at a loss for words.
I removed the wool sweater which Emery had put on me and returned it to her. “Thanks!” I said unemotionally.
She took over the sweater with a nod and said, “It’s already so late. Do you want to stay here tonight?”
“I drove here.” I shook my head and rejected her offer.
Without looking at those people still standing in the snow, I left the Moore Residence resolutely.
The snow was exceptionally heavy that night.
I wasn’t sure if Anthony had eventually returned to the villa. After I went back, I stayed inside the bedroom but was unable to sleep at all.
Since things had already progressed till the current stage, nothing could make things right again.
Right before dawn, the glow from the sparkling snowflakes had already penetrated through the windows and lit up my bedroom. A lovely snowy landscape outside greeted me in the morning.
After staying awake the entire night, I glanced at the clock and realized it was already 5 a.m.. It was time for me to wake up.
After putting on my jacket, I went downstairs and saw that the lights in the living room were still switched on. Apparently, Anthony did not come back last night.
As usual, I headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for Summer while waiting for her to wake up. After breakfast, I sent her to school.
I guess we had reached too early as the school gate was still shut.
“Mommy, we are too early. I’m so sleepy,” Summer said as she yawned. Then, she lay against the car seat, wanting to catch more sleep.
I tousled her hair and told her that I’d wake her up when the gate was opened. At that moment, I was feeling rather emotional but I wasn’t able to pinpoint exactly what feeling that was.
The school gate finally opened almost half an hour later. After sending Summer off, I realized that I had nothing else to do.
I only saw the news about Kristina when I was scrolling through my social media after I returned to the villa and realized that Anthony was still not back yet.
Initially, it was the headline of that article that caught my attention. It was only after I clicked on it that I realized it was about Kristina being a school bully when she was in college. Someone had even recorded a video of her in action.
In the age when technology was developing at a rapid speed and information was easily accessible, everyone had the tendency to take the moral high ground, bashing the weak and criticizing their abusers.
As malicious gossips started spreading, as an upper management in Featherstone Corporation, Kristina was naturally fired.
Come to think of it, it was quite a coincidence that Kristina’s video got leaked at such a time. It helped to divert the reporters’ attentions which were originally on me.
Just then, Emery arrived. As it was still snowing heavily, she was wearing a down jacket covered with snowflakes when she entered the villa.
As she removed her jacket and patted off the snow, she said, “Seems like roadblocks are going to be set up in K City soon.”
I offered to take over her jacket and hung it on the hanger before pouring her a glass of hot water. “There are going to be roadblocks set up in K City?”
Emery sat on the sofa and as she warmed her hands on the glass, she replied, “That’s for sure. It happens quite often. K City is known for its traffic jams. Given that it’s snowing so heavily, the chances of traffic accidents occurring are even higher. Roadblocks are unavoidable if the weather conditions get worse.”
I nodded and remembered that there were some fruits at home. Just when I was about to get up to take the fruits, she held me back and said, “Stop moving about. Let’s just have a chat!”
Perhaps it was a subconscious reaction, I froze for a moment and replied, “What are we chatting about?”
“Anthony and the Moore family!” Emery replied instantly. She was indeed one of the most direct people I know.
“What happened four years ago was already in the past, but I won’t try to convince you to let it go. Given the pain you had to endure, I understand that it’s easier said than done. As such, you don’t have to force yourself to move on or forgive anyone either. I know that you’re the one who’s hurting the most.” She had just expressed what I was genuinely feeling in the most straightforward manner.
As I listened to her quietly, I clenched my fists unknowingly, perhaps either due to my anxiousness or me feeling upset. I just thought that Emery reminded me so much of Macy that I was a little distracted.
After a slight pause, she continued, “I know that you’re probably feeling quite unsettled right now and don’t know what you should do. But Sienna, we have to be forward-looking after all and can’t keep staying in the past. I think you should just follow your heart. Try not to suppress the memories of the past as it would make it harder for you to recover.”
I nodded as I listened to her, even though I was already well-aware of everything she had just mentioned.
Then, Emery held my hand and said with a serious expression on her face, “My purpose for coming here today is not to preach anything to you. I treat you as my friend and just don’t wish to see you hurt. Sienna, you don’t have to feel any resistance towards me, OK?”
I smiled faintly with a hint of bitterness as I replied, “Thanks for coming over and talking to me, Emery.”
She sighed helplessly and said, “Actually, I didn’t like Cameron initially too. She’s someone who conceals her ambitions very well and will not hesitate to resort to unscrupulous means to accomplish her goals, even if it means sacrificing everything else. On the surface, it might seem as if she desires nothing, but she’s the exact opposite of what she lets out.”
Even though I chose not to comment, I agreed with Emery wholeheartedly. Indeed, Cameron had very clear objectives for everything she did.
“And it’s exactly because of this quality of hers that for the past twenty-six years, she endured everything and went through struggles after struggles just to find you. I personally witnessed her going to extreme lengths, scaling mountains and visiting countless suburban villages to look for you. In the process, she was even cheated by people. You probably don’t know, but she donated generously to the poor in every village she went to. I guess that was her way of atoning for her sins,” Emery continued speaking.
I pursed my lips and said in a low voice, “During these four years, I did carefully thought about that past mistake.”
Emery nodded and replied, “As such, due to a mother’s longing for her daughter, when she met Rylee, she overly indulged her with all the love she had for her daughter and was constantly worried that it might not be enough. From a mother’s point of view, she was just doing her best to love her daughter, but to any outsider, that kind of love was excessive, extreme and scary. Sienna, I’m not asking you to forgive her or let go. I just want to tell you that the current situation has already reached a stalemate. What’s best for you is not to dwell in the past but to focus your attention on the future. You still have a whole life ahead of you.”
I kept quiet. I know better than anyone that as a mother, everything Cameron did was for her daughter.
Since Rylee was in love with Anthony, Cameron would do anything to clear the obstacles in her daughter’s path, including me, who was a problem at that time.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.
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