I was still amazed they’d forgiven me as fully as they had, a testament to what good people they were.
I’d left Hailey with Fran and Howard to fill the role of hockey mom and shuttle Heath to practice. I searched the group of kids skating around the rink, easily picking out my son. He was bigger than most his age, with a determination not usually present in children so young. So much like his father. I didn’t know why I hadn’t seen the similarities before.
Heath had dark hair and eyes. Ice skating and hockey were his jam. He looked like Easton. Hailey, on the other hand, favored me—small and petite with blonde curls. She was all girl, loving pink and figure skating.
Heath glanced up as he streaked by, intent on his skating. His face was the picture of ultimate concentration as he focused on the puck.
After taking out my ever-present day planner, I opened it and wrote a few notes of things to do later this evening once I’d put the children to bed. The first thing I wrote was Call Easton. I’d called the number he’d had that summer several times, and each time, I’d ended the call before the first ring.
Heath fought for the puck with another kid, and the two of them went down still battling it out. The coaches separated them, and Heath sprang to his feet, looking triumphant. I frowned. As the mother of a child who’d just gotten in a fight, I wasn’t thrilled, but my baby boy was ecstatic. He skated toward me with a broad smile on his face. When he saw me smiling back, he frowned and looked away.
Since his father, Mark, had died, the only place Heath seemed happy was on the ice. Sometimes I swore he personally blamed me for Mark’s death. I guess it was easier to hoist your frustration and grief on the one who loved you most, knowing they’d be there no matter what.
He skated past me and along the boards. The kid he’d scuffled with caught up to him, and they talked and laughed as they skated, their differences already forgotten. Kids were like that. I wish adults were better at forgetting the bad things.
I wish I was.
He came around again and waved his stick at the coach, grinning with that one dimple, a dimple so much like someone else’s my heart thudded longingly in my chest.
Longingly?
This had to stop. Easton might be the father of my children, but we weren’t anything to each other. He’d broken my heart all those years ago, and I’d made a promise to myself that I’d never allow a man like him the ability to hurt me again. He’d not just hurt me, he’d destroyed me with his callous words the last night we were together.
Shaking off the memories, I concentrated on my son, even as the similarities made it increasingly difficult to banish Easton from my thoughts.
An hour later, I pulled up to Fran and Howard’s house, noticing a For Sale sign in the front yard. That was new. Momentary panic grabbed me, but I shoved it away. I was happy for them. They were moving on, as I needed to move on.
As soon as I neared the front door, Hailey burst out the front door of her grandparents’ house and streaked across the lawn. Her long blonde hair streamed behind her, and she threw herself into my arms. I picked her up and hugged her tightly. She squealed and wriggled out of my arms, turning to her brother with a nonstop flood of words. He stared impassively at her and headed into the house, his sister hot on his tail and talking a million miles a minute.
Minutes later, they were seated at the breakfast nook, eating some of Fran’s savory stew. Fran and I sat in the living room, while Howard watched sports on TV. Howard loved sports. It didn’t matter what kind.
“I saw the For Sale sign.”
“It’s time, honey. We have to sell this place. We’d both promised each other months ago that we wouldn’t spend another cold winter in Illinois. Besides, we can’t afford the payments on both houses.”
“I’m happy for you. I really am.”
Fran studied me with troubled eyes. “What will you do? Where will you go?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m not staying here. I need a fresh start.”
“You can always join us in Arizona.”
The invitation was beyond temping, yet I’d never wanted to live in Arizona. I didn’t like really hot places. I was a Chicago girl and didn’t mind the cold.
Fran shrugged at my lack of response. “Whatever you decide, we’re here for you. You know that. Have you given any thought to getting a nursing degree?”
I hadn’t. Not really. The only thing I’d come up with was to start as a nurse’s aide and figure it out from there. Sadly, a nurse’s aide salary would make it difficult to comfortably support two young children on a single income, let alone save money for nursing school.
I was the queen of indecision, and I was running out of time and money. I had to choose a direction and work toward whatever goal I set.
“Have you called Easton yet?” Fran asked.
Ah, there was the elephant in the room. They’d left me alone about Easton, but now the pressure was on. The Mills’ house was on the market, and they’d no longer be available to be my crutch.
I shook my head, glancing briefly at Fran and looking away, ashaed of my cowardice. I cringed at the censure on her face. I’d disappointed her one more time. Avoiding the inevitable was no longer working for me.
“I’ll call him tonight after the kids are tucked in.”
“I’m going to hold you to it. No more putting it off.” Fran’s determined expression didn’t allow any argument. Tonight was the night.
Easton point of view
We were one month into the regular season. I was playing well on the third line, might even be moved up to second. I’d scored a couple NHL goals and had multiple assists. Everything was going my way, yet I couldn’t shake this funk I was in.
Kaden, Steele, and I had leased a condo overlooking Lake Union within easy walking distance of the practice facility. It came fully furnished, and we didn’t add any personal touches to the place. Steele was a neat freak and always picking up our crap, while Kaden and I cared less about a tidy home. We did have a housekeeper come in once a week to do the deep cleaning. All in all, we were three bachelors living the good life.
After practice, I didn’t leave the ice when the rest of my teammates did. I stayed and skated along the boards at a leisurely pace, hands behind my back. I concentrated on the feel of my blades sliding along the slick surface, listened to the swish-swish sound, and tried to find the zone, which had eluded me recently. Skating had always been a form of meditation for me, but lately not so much. I stopped and stared upward at the Sockeyes logo on the wall in the practice facility.
Being here had been my goal, but now that I’d reached the top of the pile, I was vaguely disappointed. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I shake the feeling something was missing?
With a sigh, I skated off the ice. By the time I entered the locker room, everyone had left. I changed into street clothes but didn’t want to go home just yet.
I wandered around the team lounge, watched some game tape, and felt totally lost and alone. I slumped down in a chair and hugged my coffee cup, staring out the bank of windows at the Space Needle nearby.
I’d been out a little too late last night, drunk too much, and now I was paying for it. I’d been sluggish in practice, and the coaches had noticed. Cousin Coop had ridden my ass, constantly bitching at me. He was hardest on me, probably because he expected more from me and to prove he wasn’t showing favoritism.
The door opened, but I didn’t look up. I wasn’t in the mood for company. Hopefully, if I ignored whoever it was, they’d go away.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.
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