I told the truth, and this time I couldn’t hold back the tears. “I’m think I’m love with him.”
“So why are you leaving?”
“I can’t see clearly with Gabriel. For starters, his world is not one I could ever be fully a part of. And I know he cares about me, but how far is he willing to go?”
“Have you asked him about any of this?”
“So that I can shatter my heart more than it already is?”
She didn’t say a word.
“I shouldn’t have agreed to this one week. It was a fucking mistake.”
“Did you enjoy your time with him?”
“I never wanted it to end.”
“But now reality is calling. If I were you, I would stay and damn the consequences to hell, but that’s where we’re different. You didn’t grow up using your heart because you didn’t have the luxury. It had to be ignored so that you could see through the hurt. I understand that, but even so, don’t you think a broken heart is worth risking for this beautiful thing you have.”
“Oh God, what do I do Charlotte?”
“I can’t tell you what to do, babe. You know what I would do. I would only leave when leaving is no longer a choice.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I’d go when leaving is the only option on the table. Then no matter what happens, I’d never regret my choice.”
I fell asleep with Charlotte’s words echoing in my ears, but I realized I wasn’t Charlotte. I couldn’t play around with my heart. Wait until there was no option but to leave? The next morning, I went in Michele’s room, sat her down on her bed while I sat on the floor in front of her so I could look into her eyes.
Her smile was so sweet and so unsuspecting that I almost didn’t continue with my announcement. For a while, I was unable to speak. Then I took a deep breath. Michele had Gabriel to take care of her, I had only me to take care of me. “Listen honey, I’ve loved being your nanny so much. You don’t know how much. You are such a beautiful, amazing girl, but I need to leave.”
Her smile died. She looked desperately around for her pad and pen.
The moment I saw tears fall from her eyes, I turned my face away to hide mine. I quickly dried my eyes and turned back to see what she scribbled almost illegibly on the pad.
Why?
How was I to explain my heart to this little girl?
Is it Uncle Gabriel?
My heart hammered in my chest. I shook my head. “No, no, of course not. Your uncle has been very kind to me.” I sighed. There was no way she could understand that I couldn’t go against the one person I had vowed to protect at all costs—myself. It would sound exactly the way it was, selfish and without much concern for her wellbeing.
“I’ll get you another nanny,” I promised desperately. “Someone much better than myself. You’ll love her I promise—”
She gave a shriek of fury and pain then. When I tried to pull her into my arms, she wouldn’t let me touch her, so I sat there without a clue on what to do. I was terrified beyond words that I was harming her permanently. I wished I hadn’t told her now. I should have waited until we got back to London.
She wouldn’t stop crying, so eventually I rose to my feet. Perhaps my absence would calm her down just a little. It broke my heart to leave her, but I didn’t know what else to do. Just as I made it to the door, for the very first time since I had stepped foot in their home, I heard her voice.
“Davina,” she cried out.
I froze. At first, I was sure my ears were playing tricks with me, so I spun around to meet her gaze.
Her face was soaked with tears. “Don’t go, please? I’m scared.”
My knees nearly buckled. Somehow, I made my way over to her. I sat on the bed and pulled her to me. “Michele, you can speak,” was all that I could say.
“I could always speak,” she said.
I wiped the tears from her face. “What’s going on?”
“He killed my parents,” she said, barely able to catch her breath as the tears came pouring down her face.
“What do you mean?”
“Uncle killed them,” she cried.
I held my breath, almost too afraid to ask. “Which Uncle?”
“Uncle Gabriel,” she replied.
I gasped as my heart fell into my stomach.
Davina
Naturally, I didn’t leave the child in France.
I came back with her to London. I was in a state of devastated shock. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it. I had bared my heart to him. I trusted him. He told me about his mother. It couldn’t be.
A thousand thoughts and possibilities swirled through my head, but they all hinged on the only truth I would accept. That Michele was mistaken. Gabriel was dangerous, in more ways than I wanted to fathom, but there was no way I was going to accept that the man I had fallen for was heartless enough to murder his own brother and sister-in-law in cold blood.
Even so, I couldn’t deny that whatever Michele knew, had been severe and devastating enough that she’d become speechless through sheer terror and will for almost half a year.
I asked her if she could be mistaken, but she told me she could prove it, if I just called her Grand uncle Ivan. For the sake of Michele, we found his number and called him to come to the house. I sat on the floor in a corner of the room and watched as he came into the room.
Immediately, Michele ran into his arms.
New Book: Back Home to Marry Off Myself
Loredana’s father left the family for his mistress, leaving them to fend for themselves abroad. When life was at its toughest, her father showed up with “good news” after 8 years of absence: To marry off Loredana to a paralyzed son of the wealthy Mendelsohn family.
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